Lush Flush

Before you think it, no I’m not challenging a toilet literally. Ours is broken so I’m going to fix it. But I have no idea how to do this – so it will be tough, tears might be shed, lives may be lost, I could drown in it. Imagine drowning in a toilet? That would be a really humiliating. Hope that doesn’t happen.

This is a real rite-of-passage exercise so it’s a big deal. Will the toilet defeat me? Or will I defeat it? Or will neither of us be defeated.

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Fancy a cuppa?

Today, I take on the most infamous viral internet clip known to mankind. It’s grotesque, it’s explicitly vile, it’s vomit-inducing. My mission? To not be sick. Could I handle it?

If you don’t already know, Two Girls One Cup is a short video clip whereby two ladies are said to engage in some quasi-sexual activity on camera before doing something unspeakably rotten. Here’s how we got on watching it…

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Forget meow-meow, I want woof-woof!

So I really like making noises and I think I’m quite good at them too. But it’s no use THINKING these things is there? You have to put them to the test, against the best! Or whoever’s willing…

I took on comedian, writer and uber popular youtuber Elise Harris in three rounds of mammalian imitation – is she a match for me?

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Run Fat-Bob Run!

No Fletcher before me has done it. In fact, I don’t know anyone who has done it. I better do it then hadn’t I? No, I’m not talking about Mephadrone. I’m talking about a Marathon. 26.2 miles. Pretty hardcore right?

Especially for a chubby, lazy, biscuit fan like me. Could I do it? Train properly, get a charity, raise the money, send in all the forms, get to Brighton? Well you know what chuck? Let’s find out…

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Am I more politically savvy than an 8 year old?

In yet another family focussed edition of Bob Versus I’ve taken on my 8 year old niece Charlotte at drawing. Realising that A: I’m not good at drawing and B: She’s good at drawing  - I challenged her with the topic ‘Politics’. With the Election coming up it seemed the ideal subject – and of course, she should have less understanding than me, ergo, level-playing field. Ergo… I can win.

So who will come out on top in this artistic contest? What can I learn along the way to up my game? Forget your electoral vote this year, this is the only ballot box you should be worrying about. Bob or Charlie? Who wins? Read on…

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Show me the Bunny! (of Easter)

Hello and a Happy Easter to you all. About a month or so ago my brother Andy challenged me to writing and recording an Easter song. Obviously I accepted. As anyone who has a sibling knows, you don’t turn down a challenge ever. EVER!

The idea came about when Andy noticed that whilst Christmas has oodles of pop songs in tribute, annual fights to be the “Christmas number one” as well as truck loads of biblical hymns there’s a baffling absence of Easter music. This had to be remedied and where better than at bobversus…

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Can YOU Haiku the news?

Hello my blessed monkey chimps. I got this idea from my brother Andy; a song-writer, poet, philosopher and erm.. Coventry Decorator. I’d learnt about Haikus at school but they seemed pointless and gay. After Andy sent me a few recently – that were excellent! – I felt compelled to write some myself. Soon I discovered how relatively easy yet hugely satisfying they are to do. More than that – addictive! It’s such an interesting form; rigid in principle but surprisingly challenging and engaging, like Germans or a choc-ice. I had a moment of genius -where else better to utilise haiku than on twitter! I decided to use it as the basis for my first ever ‘trend’ on twitter where the object would be to Haiku the news of the past 7 days. I challenged the social media world and got some decent responses back. Who can say the most in 17 syllables? Whose is best? Let’s have a look shall we!

I’ll just get this out of the way straight off. Yes, I have an ulterior motive. I’m trying to capture hits to point towards my Brighton Marathon run in April for the National Autistic Society. I’ve only got £100 so far and my knees will be ruined forever. I at least would like to know some autistic peeps are slightly better off for it. So, please, PLEASE donate!

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Movie Boo-hoo hoo-doo

The BAFTAs are on right this second and I bet some sob-com’s getting an award or two. Are you a bit of a weeper when it comes to watching sad films? Do you blubber like a mother? Oddly enough I don’t, but some definitley choke me up despite the lack of any optical leakage. I thought to myself, these hot shot movie folk are getting paid to make people cry. People like YOU! I wonder if I could do that. Is it hard? I made a tearjerker film.

I don’t know why I don’t cry at tearjerkers. I suppose I come from quite a classically British, emotionally insular family. Stiff upper lip and all that. Had I cried at Bambi say, I’d have been told to “stop being such an bloomin baby! What are you, soft!?” despite being only like, 9 or something.

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Valentines Schmalentines, it’s all about Pancake Day!

Every year it’s the same isn’t it? You have to root around old Delia Smith books or spend an hour comparing recipes on the internet, then eventually produce a sub-standard pancake. Well, not anymore! Today I’ll be exploring how to make pancakes so you don’t have to! What’s more, I’ll be taking on aussie Pancake pretender to the throne, Jason. Who will flip out and who will get panned? Watch and found out.

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You think I’m funny??

How many times though have you seen a stand-up comedian and thought “god that was average, my paraplegic dog is funnier than that”. See, I’ve always seen stand-up comedy as something fiercely scary to do. You’re putting yourself up there; any failure is yours alone BUT any success is yours and no elses too. Something appeals to me about that. I’ve long been meaning to do it, ever since I was in sixth form when I really got into talking garbage, but haven’t had the courage or motivation till now. When the opportunity came to headline a gig supported the likes of Robin Ince, in a smart London venue… well, I only went and bloody said yes didn’t I?

The story is: an old beeb friend I pestered a while ago about open mic nights suddenly facebooked me a few weeks ago asking if I’d like to do My First Gig. She explained the deal and immediately I was both excited and bricking it.

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