Wheelie good!

After a bit of a long spell away from Bob Versus I return with this stonker; a time trial race around an office in a wheelchair.

Wheel aside Steven Hawking, it’s time to ramp this mutha up! Yuletide style.
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Can you bee-t me?

I challenge people to a spelling bee. Take me on if… if you dare.

Spelling is fun. It gets a nerdy rap but I think it’s okay. I think it’s fascinating because – contrary to what you might think – the most educated person isn’t bound to win.

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Water water everywhere? Sort of.

As I type, my house is waterless. A few hours ago an enormous water main at the end of my road burst in two places rendering 170 houses – included mine – without water.

I need a shower and a wee. I also have a sudden craving to drink, like, a pint of water. Mmmm water. What do I do? Will I let it beat me? Shall I let Thames Valley rule my life? Can H2O beat Bob Fletcher? Can it bollocks!

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Can You Read Minds?

I often do this mind-reading trick on people (normally fit girls) where I ask them to think of a vegetable then guess what it is. It works 66% of the time and it’s sensational when it does. But the rest of the time it’s like…”no, you’re just…crap”.

Of course I’m not psychic and I don’t think anyone is. It’s all about reading behaviour and using some crafty tricks. Surely with those skills I can beat 3 of the best young comedians performing at Edinburgh this year at mind reading? Referee’d by the renown mind-reader Chris Cox, who will come out on top?

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For fag’s sake!

This week I’m focussing on smoking cigarettes. They’ve always been a bit of a mystery to me so I thought I’d try and find some answers. Though smoking isn’t good for your health, does it’s coolness outweight it’s unhealthiness? Maybe. I’m arguing against the facts!… sort of

Don’t worry, I’m not trying to get you to quit. I don’t care. I’m at peace with your smoke. Just watch and read. Inhale my wordy goodness.

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Fancy a cuppa?

Today, I take on the most infamous viral internet clip known to mankind. It’s grotesque, it’s explicitly vile, it’s vomit-inducing. My mission? To not be sick. Could I handle it?

If you don’t already know, Two Girls One Cup is a short video clip whereby two ladies are said to engage in some quasi-sexual activity on camera before doing something unspeakably rotten. Here’s how we got on watching it…

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Forget meow-meow, I want woof-woof!

So I really like making noises and I think I’m quite good at them too. But it’s no use THINKING these things is there? You have to put them to the test, against the best! Or whoever’s willing…

I took on comedian, writer and uber popular youtuber Elise Harris in three rounds of mammalian imitation – is she a match for me?

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Am I more politically savvy than an 8 year old?

In yet another family focussed edition of Bob Versus I’ve taken on my 8 year old niece Charlotte at drawing. Realising that A: I’m not good at drawing and B: She’s good at drawing  - I challenged her with the topic ‘Politics’. With the Election coming up it seemed the ideal subject – and of course, she should have less understanding than me, ergo, level-playing field. Ergo… I can win.

So who will come out on top in this artistic contest? What can I learn along the way to up my game? Forget your electoral vote this year, this is the only ballot box you should be worrying about. Bob or Charlie? Who wins? Read on…

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Can YOU Haiku the news?

Hello my blessed monkey chimps. I got this idea from my brother Andy; a song-writer, poet, philosopher and erm.. Coventry Decorator. I’d learnt about Haikus at school but they seemed pointless and gay. After Andy sent me a few recently – that were excellent! – I felt compelled to write some myself. Soon I discovered how relatively easy yet hugely satisfying they are to do. More than that – addictive! It’s such an interesting form; rigid in principle but surprisingly challenging and engaging, like Germans or a choc-ice. I had a moment of genius -where else better to utilise haiku than on twitter! I decided to use it as the basis for my first ever ‘trend’ on twitter where the object would be to Haiku the news of the past 7 days. I challenged the social media world and got some decent responses back. Who can say the most in 17 syllables? Whose is best? Let’s have a look shall we!

I’ll just get this out of the way straight off. Yes, I have an ulterior motive. I’m trying to capture hits to point towards my Brighton Marathon run in April for the National Autistic Society. I’ve only got £100 so far and my knees will be ruined forever. I at least would like to know some autistic peeps are slightly better off for it. So, please, PLEASE donate!

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Open Mic Night: Who sings/plays/is better?

I’d been meaning to go and sing live somewhere for ages but just didn’t have the motivation or courage to do it. This time I thought – sod it, just do it you big egg – and I carted myself down (and a reluctant pal) to the Hope and Anchor pub in Islington with the sole intention of performing an original song. What would the competition be like? Would anyone else actually turn up? Should I sing a serious-ish song or a jokey one? Am I going to look like a right tit?

I haven’t done an open mic night since… god… ages… hang on, 2003. I was at the University of Lincoln – which they annoyingly based in Hull, the stinkiest place I’ve ever known. I enrolled on an underwhelming Film and TV Design degree which I soon decided was an enormous pile. One assignment was to build a box out of wood and then decorate the inside with foil, paper, gravel, pig bollocks, whatever you wanted in order to convey ‘an artistic message’. Yep, buh-bye! I say that – I stuck around long enough to blow about £2000 on fees, rent and booze. Great fun!

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