Bob Versus Spelling

Can you bee-t me?

I challenge people to a spelling bee. Take me on if… if you dare.

Spelling is fun. It gets a nerdy rap but I think it’s okay. I think it’s fascinating because – contrary to what you might think – the most educated person isn’t bound to win.

The other reason I like it, it’s a good way to compete against people who either A. it isn’t easy to compete with B. Don’t enjoy competing. We all use words. So you don’t need a pre-existing skill or technique other than knowledge of the English language.

Some people are really fastidious about spelling. If you’re one of those people you’ll love GrammarBlog, a collection of basic grammatical and spelling mistakes sent in from reputable publications and well-known texts. Quite amusing!

A clever way of speaking…

I am a fan of using eloquent vocabulary. Well, when it’s natural and not showy. Like, I watched a couple of interviews with Russell Brand recently. Though I don’t find him all that funny, he’s certainly an intriguing bloke.

I remember I used to really dislike him. He shot to fame for shagging lots of women rather than being a good stand-up comedian. As one of the many unconventionally attractive comedy-fan males in the UK, I felt bitter about that. Upon reflection, probably more jealousy than anything. I’m over it now though…

His use of language is pretty impressive even though sometimes – if you listen very carefully – he makes no sense; seems kinda he hides behind abstract phraseology at times. Like at one point, he says he wants the “exposure of the illusion of separation”. Watch this interview with Jeremy Paxman to see what I mean:

Interesting stuff! Check this of words he says, at some pace too:

desolate, visceral, deifies, permeates, omnipresent, subjugated, pantheon, transmogrify, vacuous, grandiose, conduit, narrative, elucidate, hyperbole, minutia, beaurocracy, confection, atomical

I had to look up, minutia, genuinely never heard that word EVER. Apparently it means “small or trifling details”.

Learn BIG words

I’m certain he spends a lot of time – probably at the whim of his PR team – studying new words to preserve and maintain his image of an eloquently spoken dandy. I think his homepage must be this site; the thesaurus word-of-the-day page. As you’d expect, it has a new unusual word each day which is surprisingly easy to absorb if you’re able to use in a sentence within 24-48 hours. Try it! Test out these which I’ve put in helpful sentences so they’re easier to remember:

With supercilious punctilio, I enjoy ameliorating the hasty bovine cuisine franchise announcing my sobriquet as if eminent
I like to go to McDonalds and pretend I “Bob” am well important and better than they are

I fossick for dowagers and harlots alike
Both posh and slutty girls can be attractive

Despite not being bibulous, I dissipate plenteous volumes o moonshine
I’m a lightweight with booze, but I drink shit loads anyway

I saw a passably pulchritudinous girl with whom it was my velleity to osculate
I saw a girl who you just about ‘would’ and thought I might aswell try and get a snog

Caution, polymathic hubris might be your hauteur bane
Acting like a know-it-all git can make you look like a right arse

Apologies, I disgorged on your shag tapestry, which whilst odious, made me cachinnate. Not a scintilla of contrition
Sozza, I sicked on your new rug. It was gross but I laughed. I didn’t regret it one bit

Your matriarch is a corpulent and vexatiously heinous strumpet
Your mum is a fat slag


How does it work then poindexter?

1) Goto - http://www.timesspellingbee.co.uk/

2) Register – click on ‘create a profile’ at the top right of the screen

3) Tell me your nickname OR goto ‘profile’ then ‘My Challenges’ then ‘Challenge New Opponent’. My nickname is Bobbyman

Bob Versus… People!

I took on my brother Andy. I won the first one. But he insisted on a rematch, then I lost. Then we did it again. Long story short we played 5 games, I won 2, lost 3. Damn. But since it’s my blog, here’s a round where I beat him! Here’s how I did:

Then him:

You could say Andy’s nonchalance let him down… mwhahaha! I lost quite badly… in this one:

So the last bout against Andy, a decorator, 28 was:

Here’s how I did against Sound Engineering student, 26, Nick Webster. Not so good:

And against Marketing Administrator (or something) Jodie Burch, 24. Battered her, look:

Beat 21 year old student (who is a little bit Polish but don’t hold it against her) Olivia Borszynska, 21:

This is a coup. Took on my old GCSE and A-Level English teacher from Coundon Court School, Mr Richard Hoare. He was ace. We’re talking Premier League; think Robin Williams in Dead Poet’s Society, except posher and occasionally bawdy, in a good way. He once made me get up and dance with him during a class in front everyone to demonstrate… something… in the text. He’s also the author of Northbrook. He absolutely walloped me. I got two A’s for English GCSE and a C for A-Level, let it be known.

My eldest brother Steve, an Engineer, 33, challenged me. I thought I’d have this one but no… it was a draw. Though technically he won. Damn it.

So far, yes I’m not doing too well. But as someone who studied writing for 3 years, see myself as a writer in several forms, and in general, think I’m pretty good at spelling and language… am quite surprised at the results thus far, already.

I consider being beaten by a decorator and a student a ‘blip’, so come on if you think you’re hard enough. Set aside the minutia of your dayjob (if you’re reading this at work), put your hubris on the line to bandy your skills of lexicon and orthography against mine… ‘n stuff.

Want to take me on? Go for it… Click HERE. Comment below!

7 thoughts on “Bob Versus Spelling”

  1. Your sew currant. Eye sore this has bean disgust on BBC breakfast all reddy this mourning.

  2. Mistake in your second sentence – “it get’s…”?!

    And
    “I am a fan of using eloquent vocabulary, well, when it’s natural and not showy”

    Should be a full-stop before ‘well’ rather than a comma.

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