Bob Versus Chocolate Brownies

What’s brown and sticky?

Like many great icons of the past and current world leaders, one thing has troubled me more than anything else; how to make the perfect brownie.

So to mark the arrival of the Pope aka Popey, Popemeister general, Popeface, I attempt to concoct a great chocolately feast. Of which he shall get to taste none of. Read on to found out how or if it could be done by a Bob Fletchery type of person.

Brownie Facts

- Some dozy housewife in Bangor, Maine forgot to add baking powder to her chocolate cakes, and therefore her batch didn’t rise properly.  She carried on and sliced her now invented brownie and served it unashamedly, claiming her new invention. Nice one numb nuts.

- Okmulgee, Oklahoma, holds the world’s record for largest pecan brownie. The town holds an annual Pecan Festival each June. Okmulgee, sounds like some sort of infection.

- In America, they celebrate National Brownie Day on December 8th, the gibbons.

- Brownie points in modern usage are a hypothetical social currency, which can be accrued by doing good deeds or earning favor in the eyes of another- often one’s superior. These are not edable.

- A variation that is made with brown sugar and no chocolate is called a blondie. They look well similar though. Could have fooled me.

Brownie Controversy!

Ok, so this is the thing. Brownies – more than any other recipe – are known for dividing opinion for exactly how they’re made. CAKEY or GOOEY. Cakey means they rise more and are spongey in texture. Gooey are more of the chewy stodgey texture. Literally, people kick off about this. Think of them as Israel and Palestine… I’m going to attempt produce the Gaza strip.

When I say Brownie I don’t mean…

Brownies Elswhere

Of course it wouldn’t be planet earth if the BBC didn’t have their snooty little say; Orlando Murrin‘s far too cakey take (in my opinion) and via fuzzy faced Worrall-Thompson with his triple chocolate version, a needless excess.

Jamie Oliver has a cheeky chappy crack in his typically cockney-caracture named Bloomin Brilliant Brownie recipe where his added ingredient is… cherries. Right, really pushing the boat out there me ol’ pukka mukka.

More bizarre recipes include this Beer Brownie from Claire Thomas, Raspberry Brownies, Chipolta Brownie (Chipolta is some kind of smokey pepper thing) and this rather Indian take Pistachio and Cardomon Brownies. Hash Brownies on the other hand are those which include the addition of marajuna as in Mrs Sync’s Ultimate Recipe. Naughty!

Oh and check out the incredible 26-page document as penned by the US Pentagon on how to make Brownies! Ha!

The Recipe

Ok, this ALL came about because I read the Guardian’s Felicty Cloakes fascinating article – nay study! – into the art of making brownies. She talks about the different variations and styles, reflecting on what trendsetters like Delia and Nigella have tried. Her recipe seemed to cover all bases, in terms of trying to provide crunch, sponge, goo, fudge and chewiness all at once. With the walnuts as a subtle extra bit of boom. She’s written up a tidy guide (via Nigel Slater), follow that. It’s a piece of. Look at mine!

Conclusion

Freakin amazing. I’m not EVEN kidding, it’s the best thing i’ve ever baked. Oh man, the crunch, you bite down, bit of chew. Ooh! Then yeah, it’s soft and stodgey. Hello! What’s this? Walnut! Not to many though, just enough. Knock it back with some tea.  Stuff that down your gobby wob. Amazing, genuinely.

Remember I tried to make Pancakes in the Bob Versus Pancakes blog? They ended up looking rather anaemic, not so this time. Bam! I’ve spanked it.

I went through a phase last year of trying to bake sweet things with low-fat marg, wholemeal flour and substitute sugar – it didn’t work, they all tasted foul. If you’re going to bake stuff like this, ie, stuff that is bad for you, just go for it. No fooling, good old fat. Get it down ya.

Is this the best brownie that exists to human kind? Am I great for managing to bake it? YOU DECIDE! VOTE BELOW!

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