Look… who’s talking?

I thought I’d try something new the other night at a stand-up gig. Ventriloquism!

Me and my mate Dana Wills, who is a jolly amusing stand-up, were chatting in Finsbury Park discussing how to be either A: Good or B: Different. Being good is going to take time so I thought I’d have a stab at option B. My first incling was to go on stage doing puppetry with a wig that cannot see, talk or hear. I spent the rest of the day making myself laugh hysterically talking to a wig. Am I insane?

Anyway, I changed my mind after my housemate pointed out “aren’t you going to run out of things to say since it can’t communicate?”. Good point. I might still do it at a later date. BUT Crap! What now? At the last minute – literally, I was due on stage in half an hour – I came up with a brand new idea for a puppet. Wanna see how I did?

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Are you Goo-Goo for Ga-Ga?

I know I only blogged t’other day but I couldn’t resist posting this. Lady Gaga - for anyone who has been in a coma for the last two years – is a global popstar, perhaps more famous for her peculiar fashion and bizarre performance set-pieces than her music.

I’ve been putting off deciding whether or not I like her. It feels like everyone has deferred making an opinion on this oddball pop icon. Now, I’m laying my cards on the table with a befitting tribute…

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We need them. You might BE one. I hate them.

The problem with employers is… they are in a position of power and you are not. Whether you’re trying to get a job, trying to keep or job or trying to move up – you are at their smug mercy.

In this blog I’ll mainly focussing on working in TV. Ironically, the idea for this came from talking to a former boss just recently who empathised with my situation and suggested spilling the beans would be a good idea. I should say, I don’t usually swear in these as a rule but apologies, this one contains some filth. Sorry mum.

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Did God get it right?

I’ve been thinking a bit about these ten commandments or – The Decalogue as it’s known in Christianity – just recently. I’m not sure they’re that good. I’m not having a go or anything, but… actually, yes I am. They need updating. Whether you’re Christian, Jewish, Muslim or that other one which could be either agnostic or atheist (I forget), it doesn’t matter, for many a millenia the ten commandments have been considered a reliable guide to the dos and don’ts of being alive. Do you think they’re still relevant? Or could I do a better job?

Firstly, I don’t like the idea that it was ONE person’s job to take minutes. Who proof read it? Was it spell-checked? More importantly, how can we be sure he took thing’s down verbatim? The other day I was speaking to a temp agency lining up my next job. They told me the address, then double checked to make sure I’d heard it. I confidently assured them I got it all down. In fact, I’d written “near Covent Garden-ish” on a post-it note. My point is, if I do it, surely there’s a CHANCE Moses did?

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Can YOU Haiku the news?

Hello my blessed monkey chimps. I got this idea from my brother Andy; a song-writer, poet, philosopher and erm.. Coventry Decorator. I’d learnt about Haikus at school but they seemed pointless and gay. After Andy sent me a few recently – that were excellent! – I felt compelled to write some myself. Soon I discovered how relatively easy yet hugely satisfying they are to do. More than that – addictive! It’s such an interesting form; rigid in principle but surprisingly challenging and engaging, like Germans or a choc-ice. I had a moment of genius -where else better to utilise haiku than on twitter! I decided to use it as the basis for my first ever ‘trend’ on twitter where the object would be to Haiku the news of the past 7 days. I challenged the social media world and got some decent responses back. Who can say the most in 17 syllables? Whose is best? Let’s have a look shall we!

I’ll just get this out of the way straight off. Yes, I have an ulterior motive. I’m trying to capture hits to point towards my Brighton Marathon run in April for the National Autistic Society. I’ve only got £100 so far and my knees will be ruined forever. I at least would like to know some autistic peeps are slightly better off for it. So, please, PLEASE donate!

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