What a Glorious Feeling!

Volkswagen did it, that kid with the supposedly rotten spinal cord from Britain’s Got Talent did it, now it’s my turn.  Screw you Gene Kelly – let’s dance!

It was really “piddling it down” (as my dad would say) in Arsenal today and I had somehow allowed myself to be coerced into heading to Morrisons. I could have hurried there and hurried back. I could have even said “sod off!” and stayed at home but I thought “nah!” and made the most of it. Rain is actually my favourite weather. Ok, no that’s a lie, sunshine is my favourite, but this is England so I’m being realistic.

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Movie Boo-hoo hoo-doo

The BAFTAs are on right this second and I bet some sob-com’s getting an award or two. Are you a bit of a weeper when it comes to watching sad films? Do you blubber like a mother? Oddly enough I don’t, but some definitley choke me up despite the lack of any optical leakage. I thought to myself, these hot shot movie folk are getting paid to make people cry. People like YOU! I wonder if I could do that. Is it hard? I made a tearjerker film.

I don’t know why I don’t cry at tearjerkers. I suppose I come from quite a classically British, emotionally insular family. Stiff upper lip and all that. Had I cried at Bambi say, I’d have been told to “stop being such an bloomin baby! What are you, soft!?” despite being only like, 9 or something.

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Valentines Schmalentines, it’s all about Pancake Day!

Every year it’s the same isn’t it? You have to root around old Delia Smith books or spend an hour comparing recipes on the internet, then eventually produce a sub-standard pancake. Well, not anymore! Today I’ll be exploring how to make pancakes so you don’t have to! What’s more, I’ll be taking on aussie Pancake pretender to the throne, Jason. Who will flip out and who will get panned? Watch and found out.

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You think I’m funny??

How many times though have you seen a stand-up comedian and thought “god that was average, my paraplegic dog is funnier than that”. See, I’ve always seen stand-up comedy as something fiercely scary to do. You’re putting yourself up there; any failure is yours alone BUT any success is yours and no elses too. Something appeals to me about that. I’ve long been meaning to do it, ever since I was in sixth form when I really got into talking garbage, but haven’t had the courage or motivation till now. When the opportunity came to headline a gig supported the likes of Robin Ince, in a smart London venue… well, I only went and bloody said yes didn’t I?

The story is: an old beeb friend I pestered a while ago about open mic nights suddenly facebooked me a few weeks ago asking if I’d like to do My First Gig. She explained the deal and immediately I was both excited and bricking it.

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Would you date this face?

Valentine’s Day is but 9 days away. Urgh. Every “single” person in the world is starting to feel uncomfortable and sheepish. Must find a partner by February 14th! But how? See, I have serious misgivings about internet dating. It IS a bit weird isn’t it? I mean, come on. Why can’t people just meet someone in real life? The whole thing seems creepy to me. Creepy and un-natural and wrong. Is it though? Let’s see. I signed up…

Well, I say “I” it was forced upon me by two so-called friends who’d like to see me un-single-a-fied and more importantly, would like a sadistic giggle hearing me retell bad dates. I said “no” a few times but was bullied into relenting. Present in my mind was the fact that my housemate, an ex, my sister AND Mel Gibson have had success with internet romance. Granted, Mel Gibson’s nuts, but still…

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Open Mic Night: Who sings/plays/is better?

I’d been meaning to go and sing live somewhere for ages but just didn’t have the motivation or courage to do it. This time I thought – sod it, just do it you big egg – and I carted myself down (and a reluctant pal) to the Hope and Anchor pub in Islington with the sole intention of performing an original song. What would the competition be like? Would anyone else actually turn up? Should I sing a serious-ish song or a jokey one? Am I going to look like a right tit?

I haven’t done an open mic night since… god… ages… hang on, 2003. I was at the University of Lincoln – which they annoyingly based in Hull, the stinkiest place I’ve ever known. I enrolled on an underwhelming Film and TV Design degree which I soon decided was an enormous pile. One assignment was to build a box out of wood and then decorate the inside with foil, paper, gravel, pig bollocks, whatever you wanted in order to convey ‘an artistic message’. Yep, buh-bye! I say that – I stuck around long enough to blow about £2000 on fees, rent and booze. Great fun!

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