Should Autism just sod off?

I think I’m going to win this. I’m up against an illness. But wait, it’s not that easy! This isn’t like dissing the plague or mad cow disease because autism can vary in severity; it’s a condition not a virus and sometimes it’s not even that noticeable. Equally, I need to be careful to not offend people with autism when I offend autism itself. That’s hard.

I’ve chosen this topic because I’m trying to coax you all into sponsoring me for my Charity Marathon run but am acutely aware that Autism doesn’t carry the same fashionable glitz as say cancer or aids. They’re A-listers. Autism’s like… Christopher Biggins. So I’m going to try and find out a bit more to help me really sell the cause to you. Hungry for information? Let’s eat.

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Should grandmas live forever?

Nans. Are. Brilliant. That’s what I’m arguing today. An easy task? Not really because they’re not all sunshine and roses. They can be quite annoying. You wouldn’t want them next to you in a war scenario say, but you would want them back at the barracks boiling up a brew and some overcooked broccolli. I should say at this point that we have a rule in my family for some reason that to avoid confusion between grandmas, one is called ‘grandma’ and the other ‘nan’. I’m going to list some pro’s and con’s about nans and it’s your job to say whether you think they should be re-designed to live forever or not. Then there’ll be a fun game. But first…

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What’s all this ‘life’ stuff about then, hey?

I thought after writing about Cocktails I should take on something a bit less challenging. The Meaning of Life? It’s only the biggest most massive-ist question known to man! What’s the answer then? Hm? Come on. Well, brace yourself because in this belter of a blog you’re almost certainly probably going to find out! How exciting is that? If you’re not excited right now, then… well, you aught to be.

Why are we here? What’s the point of ‘being’?  What the hell is going on!? I’ve enlisted the help of some fascinating people – some famous, some not – in order to answer this right stinker of a mystery. Before we go on, let’s just get this out of the way. Yes, I know the answer is utterly subjective.  But in keeping with the ethos of bobversus we’re here to challenge the unchallengable, beat the unbeatable, understand the un-understandable… and stuff. This is long, so get comfy and don’t forget to donate to my marathon run for autism thing. Here we go then…

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Can I make the world’s best cocktail?

There’s something exciting about cocktails isn’t there? All this ‘stuff’ mixed together, bright coloured fluids, bits of leaf and fruit, a little umbrella maybe? Yes,they make anything more exciting. You could put one of those little umbrellas in a dead cat’s mouth and suddenly think “oooh, wouldn’t mind a bit of dead cat right now actually!”. Then it’s all mixed with crushed ice that looks like diamond gems. You could be forgiven for thinking you’re drinking liquidized Queen. Yes, I like cocktails and I’m sure you do too. But isn’t it all just actually well easy? Simple formulas, dressed up, all razzle dazzle? I decided to take on the smart and plush bar Browns to find out. Let’s see how I did shall we? Yeah? Yeah!

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How I didn’t spend  a penny at Christmas and still got presents for everyone. Whathaheck!?

Christmas shouldn’t be about spending money or who splashed more cash on who. It should be about family, togetherness and being nice to each other for one day… and all that schmultzy guff. I for one just go crazy for those pigs in blankets! Why do we have them just ONCE a year? We’re all idiots. If I’m PM someday (If? When!) my first policy will be ‘more pigs-in-blankets on plates’. So, is it possible to do your gift shopping and not empty your wallet? Read on and see how I took on Christmas spending and beat it. Or did I? You decide.

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Want to know how to catch a mouse?

Never sure whether to use a trap, poision or just the traditional cricket bat method? Well, whatever you choose, it’s not easy. In fact, it’s a real challenge. This is quite an unusual high stakes ‘Bob Versus…’ since the loser’s punishment is death… unless I lose, in which case it isn’t.

My housemate Jodie first noticed the mice. She’d left chocolate out in her room – which is shockingly untidy for a girl, it’s like Basrah in there – and she spotted the unmistakable nibble marks on the bar. To be honest, I wasn’t that bothered. I thought “well, you shouldn’t be such a messy git”. She left the bar out twice more due to astonishing laziness, both times the mouse came back. It wasn’t till I heard a squeak late one night in my own – slightly less warzone-esque room – that I took the whole thing seriously.

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Ever wanted to make a website?

Not me. Not really. I mean, it always struck me as instantly boring and unforgivingly tedious. Who cool builds websites? No one. But the idea of having a dedicated platform for your own thoughts, creativity and adventure is fascinating and inspiring! Until you meet html code. Here’s how I went about it.

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